Random CanadianGirl Rants

The End of the World As We Know It!

2012-01-05T08:36:00.000-06:00

But I feel fine!

2012, it seems so... normal... Hard to believe John Cusack will survive and so many regular, good people will be blown away in just a few short months! Oh well, it's been a good run.

If it doesn't snow soon, I'm going to - ummm - I'm not sure what I'm going to... Move to the east coast where they still know how to get a good snow on? Go north, and freeze my ar$e for 10.5 months per year? Stay put and sell the snowmobiles and 4x4s? Dang! Mild winters suck! If we aren't getting a legit winter, we may as well be in South Dakota! Hey, wait a minute, I think I heard there's a golf course open this weekend somewhere in South Dakota...

I'm not making any New Year's Resolutions, not that I normally do. Resolutions are doomed to fail, and therefore they are for suckers. Not me! If I choose to be kinder to myself, it's only because it's taking longer as I get older to detoxify from overindulging during the holidays... abstaining from a few evils is probably only temporary, and I am okay with that.

That's it. I'm going to continue preparing for the end of the world. I hope I can take my new eReader with me, I love it very much!!

Hush now, baby

2011-05-10T14:49:00.000-05:00

On my less stable days, I'm sure Pink Floyd (and my son) intended this for my personal consideration.

Ummm... probably not an example of stellar mental health. While not overtly overprotective, the madness does sometimes lurk just below the surface... LOL!

To Dream

2011-05-09T09:58:00.001-05:00

I finally got paint on the walls in my living room, and I LOVE IT!!! How could I have lived in my house for four years, and never put my own colour on the walls until now? HOW?!?! I am now super excited and looking forward to applying colour to all the rest of the rooms in the house.

Then comes new flooring... and a new kitchen counter top... new bathroom vanities... landscaping... new furniture... and the list goes on and on. Renovating is fun!!

So that's what I did for Mother's Day. I painted walls, and painted baseboards, and it was all very therapeutic and satisfying. I also bought myself a hanging basket of flowers for the front of my house, and I love them very much. I have no idea what kind of flowers they are though - I never even thought to ask! So what did my family do for me on Mother's Day? Well, my son greeted me in the morning with well wishes and a big hug... that was pretty good. And my wonderful guy BBQ'd some steaks and fried up some mushrooms and onions for us to have steak sandwiches... sure, I had to assemble the sandwiches myself, but I must say that they were tee-riffic and very appreciated as steak sammiches are my very favourite food group!

Oh, Canada

2011-05-03T11:02:00.000-05:00

Say it ain't so...

That's it, I'm moving to Australia, where things make sense!!

Oh, but they have nasty crocodiles in Australia. And poisonous snakes. Probably lots of awful biting and creeping insects that might land me in a psychiatric trauma ward too. Ummmm... okay, so forget my brief resolution to move to Australia.

I'll have to remain planted and continue to grind my teeth.

Paper View

2011-03-20T12:41:00.000-05:00

One of my 11-year-old's 11-year-old friends is on my Facebook "friends" list. Scary enough.

Yesterday he posted a comment on his wall about a movie he saw on "Paper View" and that he recommended that everyone else check the movie out on "Paper View." I thought "What a twerp... " So I turned to my son, confident that he would know the difference, and asked "Do you know how to spell 'pay per view'?

He rolled his eyes and said "Yeah, of course! It's P-A-P-E-R, V-I-E-W."

We No Speak Americano

2011-02-03T09:05:00.001-06:00

I think it must be lovely to be American.

Americans are so patriotic, and have documented such a thorough and rich history for themselves... every little corner of the US seems to have its own claim to fame, celebrating one or another seemingly obscure event or person without whose contribution, America would not be what it is today. I'm sure that if a war hero of the American Revolution had suffered from dandruff, there would have been volumes written about it over the years so that no American schoolchild would ever forget about the scourge of dry scalp.

And Americans are so confident! They are adamant in their beliefs, and they will send their precious children to fight for the things they believe in. I don't know what it's like to have so much faith in any given stance I may take, or a stance taken by my country, to be able to treat it as if the solution were as clear as the difference between night and day. All while the rest of the developed world wrestles with uncertainty, weighing and considering possible actions with their eyes on ethics and diplomacy (and their share of world power, of course), and trying to appear as though they are retaining a modicum of originality and independence from the lead taken by the seemingly fearless US. In Canada, we worry. Worry about everything! It's the Canadian way, I think.

To question, or not to question... THAT is the question! My impression is that they don't waste too much time asking questions in the great US of A... not the really messy questions, anyway... those can bog you down. They make decisions, accept them, internalize them, and they act. In other parts of the world, I think maybe we are pre-occupied with questioning, almost to the point of paralysis. Questioning is valuable, in my opinion, but the wheels of uncertainty turn slowly and in the end, makes us look like we might just be riding on the coattails of our bigger, carefree, brother.

It must be so comforting to wrap yourself in a big, self-assured American quilt.

Happy December!

2010-12-01T09:02:00.001-06:00

Somebody get me an advent calendar, stat! Oh wait, I just had to go and sign up for that stinkin' weight-loss challenge... never mind. I want to win the weight loss cash more than I want the delicious chocolates in the advent calendar. But not much more.

One of my 'usual' radio stations is playing only Christmas carols this month. It seems like everytime I tune in, they're playing Bing Crosby singing "Let it Snow." I like Bing Crosby very much, but, like, it's getting ridiculous already!!

My cat is going to a wonderful new home next week! I took her to the vet two weeks ago to have her checked out prior to ~~dumping her off~~ delivering her to her new owners. Throughout our visit, she was very relaxed, lounging around and exploring the examination room. She got a little bug-eyed when the thermometer went up the old hoop, but I figure she had it coming. Anyway, at one point, she happened to notice a poster on the wall with a picture of a cat... well, let me tell you, that docile, pretty little cat of mine has got the worst attitude I've ever seen displayed toward a harmless poster-cat! She called up her inner lionness and hissed her hissiest, and then proceeded to grumble and growl until we finally left the room. Even then, when I went to the counter to pay for the visit, I placed her carrier on a chair which just happened to be facing a bulletin board covered almost entirely in pictures of lost and found cats. Bahahaaa, it brings a warm smile to my face just remembering her extreme discomfort. I hope she doesn't tear a strip off her new roomie cat upon arrival... she may be more aggressive than she appears.

Oh boy, the radio is playing "Dominic the Donkey" so I better sign off and give this tune my full attention!

Teenage Wasteland

2010-11-01T08:21:00.000-05:00

Teenagers are beasts. They are:

1. Not normal human beings.
2. Unreasonable like two-year olds.
3. Dramatic like a soap opera.
4. Smelly no matter what.
5. Irresponsible... they have no idea what lies ahead for them, and don't really care.
6. Disrespectful.
7. Irritating.
8. Demanding - everything is always needed urgently, and at the last minute.
9. Independent when it suits them, helpless like a toddler when it doesn't.
10. Occasionally they can be funny.
11. They are always hungry, and frequently are accompanied by a crew of equally hungry teenagers who belong to other families, but for some reason are always in my fridge and cupboards.

Sometimes it's enough to make you want to run away. Hey! Why don't teenagers run away anymore? LOL!

How disappointing...

2010-10-26T09:49:00.003-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, a very bubbly young woman came to my door to see if I'd be interested in sponsoring an underpriviliged child under the World Vision program.

Are you kidding me?! I've always wanted a little underpriviliged foster child to call my own!!!

The girl told me that most people who sign up as World Vision sponsors chose girls, because there are so many countries where girls are particularly disadvantaged, denied school due to having to work to run the household, and all that unfair gender-discriminatory stuff. I'm all for boosting girls in poor countries. HOWEVER, salesgirl said that MOST people choose girls, and I don't ever want to be like MOST people. So I started paying closer attention to the boys' pictures and profiles she was showing me. One in particular stood out, as he was older than the rest... when I asked, salesgirl told me he was indeed the oldest child on her list, at 12 years old, and she had also had him in her portfolio the longest. What could I do, but choose him?

My World Vision child is a Bolivian named Alberto. We immediately put his picture on the fridge, and waited for the kids to ask who the heck he was... no one did, at least not immediately. The next night, at dinner, one of them finally asked who was the kid on the fridge. We told them that it was Alberto, their new foster brother from Bolivia and that we were going to have a great time sending him fun and wonderful things from Canada, and what a great difference it was going to make in his life.

Then I read the fine print on the World Vision paperwork. Apparently, your money does not go directly to the child, nor does it go directly to the child's family - it goes to the World Vision centre in your child's country, where they use it for programs to serve the community. Alberto's community? I don't know - maybe it goes into a pot used for every poor place in Bolivia. I thought, well, I can still send him "stuff"! Clothes, care packages, Axe Shampoo, maple syrup... you know, just the essentials! Turns out, nope, I can't. While we are invited to write to Alberto, and send him things like cards and pictures, whatever we send has to be flat, and fit into a regular mail-sized envelope. You can't give your address or phone number, everything has to go through the World Vision offices. Letters are translated by staff before being forwarded to Alberto, which means everything is opened, and if I sent anything of value it would probably never reach him.

How disappointing is that!!

So Very Random

2010-10-25T09:10:00.000-05:00

I bought a new hair dryer this weekend, because my old one calfed last week. I now feel much better, having been able to blow dry rather than air dry. Air drying reveals my naturally frizzy/curly/awful hair!

We spent most of the weekend working on getting snowmobiles ready for this winter. I must say, I'm extremely happy with my machine and its all-new shocks and springs... what a difference it makes in how the thing looks and sits! I'm so excited, now I can't wait for snow to come!!! I learned how to drop and re-install the suspension, and how to change many of the suspension parts. I also found out how to use a grease gun to properly grease all the points on the machines, and only ruined one shirt in the process!

My dear son had his first speed skating meet this weekend. It was very cute seeing all the little kidlets out for their first time, and impressive to see the provincial team skating in their events too. After seeing him race against his own age, let's just say that JM is more of an "endurance" skater than he is a "sprinter."

It's dark in the morning now. Dark enough that everything in the office reflects on the windows as if it were nighttime. Bonus: I can check my hair out like it's a mirror. Drawback: I can also see in the reflection what my cubicle neighbour is up to on the other side of the wall... at least until the sun comes up.

I made a roast yesterday, and the power kept going out. Somehow, the roast managed to get done in between power outages. At one point, when it was out for over an hour I was worried we'd have to eat roast beef sandwiches because I had no power to cook anything else to go with it. Luckily, power was restored, and I was able to warm up that can of Chef Boy-R-Dee. Okay, I did not warm up Chef Boy-R-Dee, I only said that for comedic purposes.

I'm feeling very positive this morning, for no apparent reason.

I love my BlueTooth

2010-09-14T09:27:00.001-05:00

A police car was behind me on my way to work this morning. We were stopped at a red light, and a car with the green light made a left turn in front of us. The lady driving the car was chatting away on her cell phone… Um, hello! That's not allowed anymore, lawbreaker!! I watched her as she crossed the intersection in front of me… I looked in the rear view mirror at the cops, and saw that they were looking at her too. They pulled around me, did a U-turn through the red light with their lights flashing, and they went after her! BAAhaaahaahahaha!

In other news, I'm wondering if I should dedicate my blog to documenting my kids' screw-ups during the school year. I know it would be much nicer of me to focus on all the positives, but, well... that would be kind of boring, wouldn't it? Aren't there enough parents who gush (bullshit) about their kids all the time? Then again, they might read this some day. And they really are good kids (most of the time), so it wouldn't be totally fair to constantly bash them, would it? Maybe I should recognize ALL of their successes, failures and massive errors in judgement just to be fair. It might go something like this:

The GOOD: I think DC might actually go today and get his school picture taken. He hasn't bothered for the past two years, and it's refreshing that he may actually be interested in anything school-related, even if it's just getting his picture taken for the year book. He also asked to be registered for a winter sport this year, which we did ($300!!!) without hesitation. JM is also registered for a winter sport ($460!!!!) that he did not request, but which I must insist upon, otherwise he will spend the entire winter glued to the PlayStation.

The BAD: On the 2nd day of school, DC's school called to say that he bugged out during class. I.E. he disappeared for no apparent reason, and had to be marked absent. His explanation? He thought he'd been kicked out, so he left. Hmmm... JM has been having his usual anxiety attacks about not knowing what is expected of him, where he's supposed to go, what he should be bringing. Did I create this? He's like me, only he is obvious about it, whereas I'm much smoother in masking insecurities.

The UGLY: A friend of CTK's says that DC has been "bugging" her in school to the point that it makes her cry. Her mother doesn't want to go to the principal, but I can only assume that she will if the situation continues. Bullying much? Like, how about suspension and/or charged with harassment? Stupid boy.

Pigs can't fly, but apparently they camp

2010-09-07T14:11:00.000-05:00

The following is an open letter to the last people who camped at SHOE LAKE, in NOPIMING PROVINCIAL PARK just prior to the Labour Day weekend, 2010:

(Please note that the following program contains coarse language, and is not suitable for all viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.)

When we pulled up to the northernmost backcountry camping site on the north shore of Shoe Lake on Friday, September 3, 2010, we thought at first that the site must be occupied. It was clear that the site was strewn with the personal belongings of what appeared to be a large group of people, however no tents or actual camping gear was visible.

We soon realized that while there were no current inhabitants of the site, the most recent "campers" had left the site like a FUCKING PIGSTY!!!!! There was garbage spread from one end of the site to the other and beyond. Because it had rained all week, everything was soaked and stuck to the ground/table/trees, etc. Let's see if I can provide a comprehensive list of the SHIT that we spent a fucking hour picking up just to make the site habitable:

empty Budweiser bottles
smashed Budweiser bottles
empty beer cans - brand unknown, as they formed part of the fire pit sludge
empty bottle of Bacardi rum
empty bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade
a pair of running shoes
miscellaneous socks
a Winnipeg Blue Bombers towel
several towels and rags
a deck of cards that had blown over the entire area
a "Granny's" lime green re-usable grocery bag
a garbage bag that was left behind and then torn into by animals, who appear to have proceeded to spread around rotten grapes, egg shells, watermelon pieces, a bag of marshmallows covered in wasps, a bag of frozen hashbrowns and who the fuck knows what else

Actually, I'm being generous in presuming that animals spread the garbage around - the way that campsite looked, I wouldn't have been surprised if the former campers had spread that shit around on their own. The next morning we had to make a trip back to the boat launch just to dump off two massive bags of other peoples' garbage that we picked up. We tried to clear out as much of the broken glass as we could so that our dog wouldn't cut his feet, but he still managed, one night, to find some of your left-behind shit and ate something that made him throw up FOUR TIMES the next day. You people should be fined and banned from ever using that park again.

I find it hard to believe that mature adults with the means to reach a remote camping spot would have such a lack of respect for others that they would leave things in such a state. Recognizing the abundance of alcoholic beverage containers strewn and smashed everywhere you looked, and the (poor) quality of the food left behind, I would dare to guess that the shit-storm was created by a group of young "adults." Well, if your parents are proud of the people you've grown up to be, then your parents must be fucking pigs too.

Scary Downtownies

2010-08-31T09:05:00.000-05:00

Walking down one of the sketchier downtown streets early this morning, I thought I might have heard a gun shot. A woman pushing a baby in a stroller about 5 metres ahead of me didn't have any reaction to the sound whatsoever... I guess she was either heavily sedated (Valium - Mommy's Little Helper! Wheee!), or else she just lives in the area in probably didn't hear it. Kind of like living in a flight path or near train tracks - eventually it's all just background noise, I guess.

I am not one to loiter during possible gun-play, so I hurried on my way. At the end of the next block, I patiently waited for the lights to change so I could cross the busy street. CU-koo, CU-koo from the light stand. As I relfected on the blind-people sound effects, it registered on some level that the man on the opposite side of the street was smacking himself in the head. It looked like he was smacking as hard as he possibly could, too. I didn't notice if the smacks were in time with the crossing signal sounds.

I thought Mr. Smacky-Pants was a potentially dangerous lunatic, so I prepared myself to pass him without getting smacked myself: I pulled out my cell phone and made a quick call, so that if I made any eye contact with the scary downtownie, it would appear to be completely incidental. Plus, if I were fatally smacked, the person on the phone would know immediately that I had met with foul play. As it turned out, he was not merely loitering! He proceeded to cross the street when the light changed, and as I passed him, I noticed that he kept his smacking hand out while his other hand was tucked safely into his pants pocket (like a concealed weapon).

Carrying on down the street for another half a block, and there was a police car parked right on the sidewalk, with two bright-eyed coppers getting out. I thought maybe they were looking for Smacky-Pants, but then I remembered that I might have heard a gun shot... I love coming downtown every day!!

The ROOF! The ROOF! The Roof is on Fire!

2010-08-25T08:50:00.000-05:00

Apparently a fire broke out near my office shortly after I left for the day yesterday. It was "near" the local mall (aka the local flea-pit gathering place for all the Displaced Persons in the downtown area), but unfortunately the fire did not actually burn the mall. If it had, I would have been leading the chorus... "We don't need no water, let the..." Well, you know how it goes.

In other news, the globetrotting stepchildren return tonight. And I'm coming down with the summer cold of the century. Yay! Clearly there is no god, there is only dog. My dog. And he's awesome.

I think my blog may need some direction. I've read some topical blogs lately, and they're really cool and interesting, which has made me feel as though my blog is, well... too random. That IS the name though: Random. I'll have to contemplate my navel for awhile and decide where this thing should go.

Play Me a Song

2010-08-23T12:50:00.000-05:00

I got a piano this summer. It's all tuned up, and I've retrieved my old Beatles and Rolling Stones song books from my dad's archives. It's only a matter of time before I am headlining at my kid's birthday parties, much to his horror, no doubt.

Totally Random

2010-08-23T10:56:00.000-05:00

I will never fly to Iqaluit on Air Canada ever again. With only one flight in and out per day, and the sketchy weather conditions that exist in the area, there are not enough aeroplan miles in the world to make it worth the risk of not having a plane to ride in when you thought you would. First Air and Canadian North all the way!

Double Rainbow, all the way! All the way across the sky!! What does it MEAN?!?!

We found a skull on the beach in Iqaluit. Someone thought it was a fish skull. I thought it had to be a dog skull. We weren't really sure. After a day, it was decided that it must be a seal skull. A co-worker then decided that he had to have said seal skull, and a return trip to the beach for retrieval became necessary. I suggested that he plant the skull somewhere in amongst his bedding for the hotel staff to find, but I don't think he had the heart to do it. As far as I know, the skull - which was not quite de-meated, if you catch my meaning - should currently be resting in and amongst an ants' nest, getting, um... "cleaned up." Gross.

Is this thing on?

2010-05-13T08:34:00.000-05:00

My phone rang while I was trying to find a place to park this morning. This - more or less - was the conversation:

Me: Hello?
Child: Hi.
Me: What's up?
C: Um, where are the big Ziploc bags?
Me: In the cupboard above the microwave. Why do you need a Ziploc bag?
C: Um, because some of the kids in my class are already bringing them to school, and I want to bring mine.
Me: You need to bring a Ziploc bag to school?
C: Yeah. With a shirt in it.
Me: Well, I haven't bought the plain white shirt that you need yet, so you should probably wait til I get you one.
C: Oh... um, I thought I had a shirt from last year in my drawer.
Me: Is it a plain one?
C: I'm pretty sure...
Me: Well, if you have a plain shirt then go ahead.
C: But I can't find the Ziploc bags
Me: They're in the cupboard above the microwave. Get Devin to help you.
C: I already climbed up on the counter to look. I don't see them... all the Ziploc bags in here have food in them.
Me: What? What do you mean "they have food in them," that's impossible! Where are you looking?
C: In the cupboard!
Me: Above the microwave?
C: Yeah! And all these bags are full of stuff!
Me: That makes no sense. Are you sure you're looking in the cupboard above the microwave? Do you see the blue boxes that say Ziploc?
C: I'm looking, but there's no boxes here.
Me: You don't see blue boxes full of ziploc bags?
C: No.
Me: Well then you're not looking in the right place! If you don't see them where I'm telling you they are, then you'll have to look in ALL the cupboards until you find them.
C: heavy sigh...
Me: I don't know what the hell you're looking at, but the cupboard above the microwave is where they are. Is that where you're looking or not?
C: Yes! They're not there!!
Me: You know the cupboard with the plates and bowls?
C: Yeah
Me: You know the cupboard next to it, on the right hand side?
C: The one above the microwave?
Me: Yes. Look in there.
C: Okay... Oh.
Me: What do you see?
C: Ziploc bags.
Me: Is that the cupboard you were looking in before?
C: No.
Me: Where were you looking?
C: In the one above the toaster.

Safe Boating

2010-05-10T14:37:00.000-05:00

Dun-dun-dun-duuuuuuuh,
Dun-dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuuuh!

I think we bought a boat this weekend!! I don't know the first thing about boats, except that they are supposed to float and that they are AWESOME!!! Now I need the summer off, so I can go and live on my boat. Not that it's 'that' kind of boat... no sleeper cabins or kitchen facilities or anything... but maybe I could dock it near a restaurant and public washroom somewhere.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

2010-05-05T08:40:00.001-05:00

I don't necessarily believe that people should be punished for traits that they have no control over - like having blue eyes, "male-pattern-baldness" or female facial hair... those are unfortunate genetic gifts for which the individual is blameless. Plus, all of those things could be corrected (if desired) with things like coloured contacts, wigs, and razors.

Stupidity, however... now there's something that I could argue deserves a flogging from time to time. How some stupid people get through life defies logic and understanding, never mind how they get a job with more responsibility than peeling potatoes! The ultimate display of stupidity has to be when the stupid are actually so brazen that they throw their stupidity out there for everyone to see, and there is no shame in evidence on their part! It's like "Okay, I know I'm stupid, but I'm going to ask these stupid questions anyway. If I get someone else to do all my thinking for me, then I'll be sure to get my next paycheque and I can continue to spend more blissful days of ignorance getting paid!" Of course, the stupid would never articulate that...

Learned helplessness sucks - the question is, where did they learn it? Maybe I am an enabler, holding the hands of the stupid while leading them down the path of their own miserable existence. Then again, they're not really miserable - they're probably thrilled to have people around to show them the way, while the people who recognize that they are continuously covering others' asses are the ones who experience discontent and hostility, and all the good things that come with those feelings.

It's going to be a great week!

On the lighter side of things, we have been encouraging the15-year-old for about a year, to start thinking about/looking for a part-time job. If he ever wants to accumulate more money than his allowance, a part-time job is really his only hope. However, he resists. His ongoing malaise has led to, well - nothing, really. He can't be bothered to go to all of his classes on a daily basis, rarely comes up for air from his video games/computer/cellphone occupations, and just grunts at the mention of engaging in gainful employment. Some people just have to learn the hard way, I suppose. The 10-year-old, on the other hand, last night announced that - in addition to becoming a pilot at the earliest opportunity - he intends to help start off his career by working at Tim Horton's. Or at Sub-Way. When asked why he would choose those places to work, his reply was "Because they're hiring!" Apparently, he's been keeping an eye out for "Help Wanted" signs. I can only hope the motivation stays with him until he's legally able to act on it.

April Showers are Not Bringing May Beans

2010-04-30T11:11:00.000-05:00

Well, it's raining now! Sort of...

I'm trying to grow massive bean stalks for a bean growing competition, but apparently someone forgot to mention it to the seeds that I planted because they clearly are not interested in growing at all. I lovingly planted those things, talked to them, put them out in the sun, brought them in to sleep with me at night... but: nothing! The other day I got home to find that my bean pot appeared to have been vandalized. I blame the stupid cat, but I have no proof.

April Showers... where are they?

2010-04-26T08:57:00.001-05:00

I don't think it has rained even once this month... I love it, but the ground is as dry as my favourite white wine. I spotted a bush fire on Saturday night, and I actually called the fire department just because of all the news about brush and grass fires burning like crazy everywhere. I do believe it was the first time in my life I've ever called 9-1-1. The operators were really efficient - I can't think of anything else to say about them! I drove past the spot again last night, and it didn't look like the bush burned down or anything, so I can only assume that they took care of it.

I spent seven hours painting my house yesterday. The part that I painted was in a recessed section of the front, which is very well sheltered by a deep eave. The plus: the wood siding was in great condition due to it's being protected from the elements. The negative: the spiders were also in great condition due to their being protected from the elements. Several times, when I poked my brush into small holes in the corners, little spiders were leaping out at me! Combine the spiders (2nd worst fear) with me on a ladder (3rd worst fear - heights), and the result is that I've lost a little bit of my love for painting... and that was just the primer coat! I still have to go back and give it two more coats of paint!!! At least the spiders who dared to threaten me are easily identifiable now by the splatters of primer they received when I fought them off with my paintbrush. Little beasts.

My roots are showing?

2010-04-23T14:41:00.001-05:00

Why do people under 33 roll their eyes when I sing along with Duran Duran songs?

Last week, a co-worker was making some remarks about a sketchy part of the city. I told him that was where I grew up, and he apologized... not an apology for the remarks, but for the fact that I had to grow up there. I admit, it wasn't the greatest area - but really, I'm over it and the general public need not feel as though an apology is in order! Very funny. Maybe you had to be there...

I love the following things from my childhood:

Duran Duran! You knew I was going to say that, didn't you?

The Beatles. Okay, they were technically before my time, but I only truly appreciated them as a teenager.

The piano. Not the movie, the instrument. I need a piano in my life...

My bike. Kids and teenagers who don't ride bikes, have no idea what freedom they are missing.

ATARI. But not my ATARI, because we didn't have one... we had Intellivision. LAME!

Summer at the beach. Looking back, I can't believe how I was let out into the water unsupervised the way I was... I wonder why I don't feel like I can extend the same freedom to my own child(ren). Am I a realist, or a fear monger?

No Country for Old Men

2010-04-20T10:30:00.002-05:00

Why do some old men believe that women exist for the sole purpose of providing secretarial services? I'm certainly no feminist, however I can't help but get all indignant sometimes when faced with gender-specific stereotyping. I might believe that all old men smell like Ben-Gay, but that wouldn't be fair or accurate. But if I said that most old men had legs like Safeway chickens, then I'd only be telling the unbiased truth!

Tropical Heat Wave

2010-04-19T13:51:00.000-05:00

After the "worst summer ever" last year, I am so looking forward to a long hot one this year. So far things are looking good, with temps way above average for April! Yahoo!! I may have even taken on a bit of a sunburn this weekend! Double-yay!! Well, not really 'yay' for the sunburn, just for the fact that it was warm enough to get a sunburn.

Painted part of the house this weekend, and ripped out a rotten old deck at the beach. Highly productive, probably the most work I've done in months. I've discovered that I really enjoy painting. Maybe not enough to make a career out of it, but still... if I were to become an actual painter, the pay-cut would probably be worth the joy that I would take out of it. Except that I've never really met a painter that I would be friends with, or hang out with... what if I became a painter, and then I couldn't stand all of my fellow painters?! What then?? My joy in painting could be erased by my dissatisfaction with painters!!

Went to the gym today for the first time in almost a month, because finally my sciatic nerve wasn't feeling all pinched and miserable. Hopefully I'm back on track now, because I'd hate to have to deal with nerves and herniated discs all over again! Been there, done that, don't ever want to do it again.

I can't wait to go golfing!! I've been practicing on the X-Box all winter, and I'm SO ready! Ummm, I just haven't figured out how to transfer my X-Box skills over to real-life yet... but I'll get there - oh yeah, watch out Phil Mickelson!!

Random Mid-April Thoughts

2010-04-12T15:40:00.002-05:00

It's so nice to be able to go outside without feeling Jack Frost tearing a big frozen shred off your nose, never mind nipping at it. Nothing below 0 degrees is appearing on the long-range forecast, and I'm definitely down widdat!

I decided to take Thursday and Friday off this week. Mondays feel much better when you know you've only got two days left to go before you can return to some form of leisurely pace.

It's only a matter of time before it's truly warm enough to break out the spring/summer wardrobe!!! I bought some new shoes that I'm looking forward to wearing. Of course, if it was the same type of weather in September, I know I'd be wearing them - it's just so hard to convince yourself after winter that it's okay to leave the house in open-toed shoes!

There are only 11 more weeks in the school year. (That one's for the kids.) This year got off to such a sketchy start, I can only hope that next year will promise better things for them. The 2010-2011 school year will be the first time for our family with no kids in elementary school! Hoo-Rah!!!!!

I bought a new sketch pad and a set of drawing pencils today. A blank sketch pad is so full of possibilities! It's been years - almost 20 years - since I had a nice new sketch pad, and I'm sure it won't take me long to fling it into a corner once I remind myself of my dismal lack of artistic ability. I am the CHILD of an ARTIST!! Why did the talent fail to reach me? And my own offspring... well, let's just say that his recent artistic interpretation of a caribou more resembled an amoeba, or maybe some other primordial entity. When asked what, exactly, he was trying to draw, he said "It's a caribou! Hey, I'm no artist you know!" Next year, when he has to choose between Art or Band, I'll bet I know which way that marble is gonna roll...

Is it 2036 yet?

2010-03-26T10:26:00.000-05:00

In 2036, I will either turn 65, or I'll be dead... either way, I'll get a chance to rest for awhile.

My stepson asked his dad if he could have a "spring break" party at our house this weekend. With alcohol. He's 15.

Like, really? I'm still trying to wrap my head around the difference between now and the 1980's when I was a teenager... I truly believe that if my dad had any knowledge of me drinking before the age of 18, I would have had my ass kicked out the door, and then kicked once more for good luck. Why is it that this kid feels like he can request something like this, and then put on a pouty "why are you so mean to me" face when I flatly reject the request, citing several valid rationale for why it is absolutely NOT going to happen? It boggles the mind.

Walk-In Success

2010-03-02T14:06:00.000-06:00

I know that I haven't posted in a month, nor had I returned to the Tim Horton's location I last posted about... until this morning.

Needless to say, I walked in, noting the position of a stupid looking Land Rover with the roof-storage box in the wicked double-lane drive-thru. When I returned to Libby with coffee (and yogurt with berries!) in hand, and saw the Land Rover had not yet reached the order-speaker-thing, I counted it as my first victory of the day.

Now I'm just waiting for more victories... waiting... patiently...

At the last student-parent-teacher conference I attended in October, my son's teacher asked if they could do some extra "testing" to see if they could figure out whether my son is:

a. Lazy
b. Stupid (i.e. challenged in some way that is not quickly apparent to the casual observer)

I signed a consent form for the testing, because they said they require written consent each time they do something for a student, that is not done for all students. Whatever.

In January, we went for a hearing evaluation. It turns out that my son has "borderline-normal" hearing. Translation: he's almost hearing impaired, but doesn't 'need' a hearing aid. The borderline-normal diagnosis was identified in a dead-quiet, soundproofed room. This means that in a noisy classroom, there is a great chance that he will miss hearing some information/instructions.

Anyway, last week I received yet another consent form requesting my permission for the school counsellor to "explore whether (he) experiences anxiety/stress in certain school situations."

Ummm, hello? Earth to school: Are there kids who DON'T experience anxiety/stress in certain school situations?!?!!?

Yesterday I sent the forms back, unsigned, noting that they had spelled my son's last name incorrectly.

A few weeks ago, I had to sign-off on a spelling test that apparently contained two errors. I reviewed the test, and saw no errors, and made a note to the teacher... wouldn't you? If a word is right, marking it wrong would cause some confusion and a feeling of injustice, would it not? I mean, it's not a Bar Exam, just a 5th grade spelling test, but still! The next week, the spelling notebook came back with a note to me: "The s's were looped, so the words were marked 'incorrect." Huh? Was it a spelling test, or a f*cking handwriting test? It was that particular injustice that led me to point out the school's error in the spelling of my son's name. I can feel myself turning into their "problem parent," and I say "Bring it." Only 4 more months till he moves on to Middle School.

So they fixed the spelling error (with sloppy white-out) and sent the forms home again. This morning, rather than sign for consent, I wrote a note stating that I already signed consent forms for "testing" back in October, and that I'd like to know the outcomes of that "testing" prior to signing any further consent forms. Like, what are they doing over there? Am I wrong on this?? I don't care what you say, I think I'm right. LOL!

Better to Walk In

2010-02-02T21:20:00.000-06:00

There is a Tim Horton's on my way to work. I used to stop there quite frequently, until they modified their ridiculous drive-through, and made it even more ridiculous. Because traffic was often lined up all around the parking lot, and sometimes blocking a lane on the street, a genius of some kind came up with the double-lane drive through. The problem, of course, is that some people don't know the meaning of ALTERNATING LANES. You all know what I'm talking about... two lanes moving forward - the genius part is how it keeps the line from snaking out a mile from the coffee shop - and then, as they approach the order-speaker-microphone-thing, the vehicles alternate to re-form a single line to the actual window.

I was desperate for caffeine yesterday morning after a dentist appointment, and, against my better judgement, chose to stop at the Tim Horton's of which I speak. The drive-through did not look that busy, rush hour was long over, and I assumed that the people in the line up(s) would be of the fair, non-aggressive type. Even now I find myself shaking my head and heaving a sigh at my own naivete.

As I inched forward in line, I received a phone call... I mentioned how I was sitting in this line-up where I have repeatedly been wronged by evil queue jumpers, when - low and behold! - I noticed that some dickhead in a silver piece-of-sh!t in the lane to my right was sucking up awfully close to the bumper of the vehicle in front of him. I made eye contact with said dickhead, just to make him aware that I was onto him. It made no difference. Just as it became my turn to take my alternate position on final approach to the order-speaker-microphone-thing, Dick lurched forward to block my path, as close as he could possibly be to the car in front of him without actually kissing the vehicle's tailpipe. I could have just driven into him... stranger things have happened, no doubt. Come to think of it, the satisfaction I would have received by proceeding directly into his driver's side door would have probably been about a million times better than the sour taste his selfish act left in my mouth, only to be washed down with my upcoming mediocre coffee. I had to satisfy myself with snapping a quick photo of his license plate. Not that I'll ever do anything with it, it just makes me happy. One day I'll create a collage of all the license plates of all the a$$holes that wrong me in traffic.

So Dick got his coffee. Then I got mine. He left the parking lot immediately in front of me. I casually drove behind him, until he slowed to a speed below my low-speed tolerance level, at which point, I changed lanes to pass him. Dick made SUCH great gains by shafting me in the drive-through!! Ruined my mood, and all for NOTHING. Having passed him, I oh-so-casually drifted back in front of him, and took my foot off the gas pedal, gradually falling below my own low-speed tolerance level... I will never drive through that drive-through ever again. It's a morning mood wrecker.

Sometimes Parenting Sucks

2010-02-01T22:08:00.000-06:00

I already finished school, so why the hell do I have to do all the fricken thinking all over again, just because these kids can't be bothered to think for themselves?!? I'll tell you why: the AGENDA. AND WHO INVENTED THE "AGENDA" FOR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS?!?!? Honest to GAWD, that so-called "tool" has consistently been the absolute largest pain in my entire ass for the past 5 years. I can't stand it, and whoever came up with it should be made to walk the plank. It had to be some burnt-out school administrator, having a feverish dream during a long summer vacation in the sanitorium... "I've got it! I no longer have any ability to impose rules on the children I'm charged with teaching, so I'll just hand out these agendas and make the PARENTS accountable for every f*cking iota of homework I can possibly throw their way! It's BRILLIANT!"

So every time a kid needs to colour in a science notebook cover page for a new unit, or study for an upcoming spelling test, or practice the goddamn RECORDER, I have the pleasure of signing off to confirm that all required work was completed. The result is that the kids are accountable for f*ck-all. I don't know how something like this came about between my childhood and my child's childhood... what I DO know is that the inventor of the agenda likely has overweight, 40-year-old video-game-playing, pot-smoking offspring living in their basement, and that IS NOT how it's gonna go down in this house.

I can only imagine what it's like from a kid's point of view - if I had to have all that crap signed every day, I'd be stressed out all the time! The only thing I ever had to get signed as a kid was my report card, and THAT was a gut-wrenching experience. Can you imagine experiencing that level of scrutiny every day?! Welcome to public education!! Fear of whining parents with tendencies to threaten litigation have robbed schools of any ability to expect accountability from students, and has led to an environment in which schools manage to absolve themselves of any responsibility whatsoever with regard to the outcomes they produce in the form of our "educated" children. It's pathetic.

I vaguely recall hearing something about an amendment being proposed to eliminate the exemption to the Criminal Code of Canada, which allows parents to physically discipline their children, between the ages of 2 and 12. So, like, I hope that there's some kind of plan in the works to beef up the staff at all of our wonderful social services agencies! Once parents have been legislated out of the parenting business, SOMEONE had better be ready to come up with a strategy to intervene with the kids (ALL kids?) who don't always respond immediately and effectively to verbal reprimands. Ha!!! OMG, I just made myself laugh... All I can say to my kids is "GOOD LUCK when it's time for you to have a family" They probably think they'll grow up and treat their own kids so much better than we treat them. We'll just see.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T15:20:00.000-06:00

I've always enjoyed those "Best of the past year" kinda shows on TV and radio. This time they're all doing 'best of the decade' because I guess we're outta the aughts and into the teens. My favourite thing - so far - about the new decade is that we no longer have to say "two thousand nine" or two thousand anything! We get to be lazy again and say it's twenty-ten, twenty-eleven, etc., and that suits me just fine.

What's that? You'd like me to tell you what was the best of the past decade in my little world? Well, I'd be happy to!

1. My divorce and resumption of my maiden name. Ahhh, sweet!
2. Meeting the bushman of my dreams.
3. Watching my son grow into someone who actually speaks in complete sentences, and seeing the rest of the kids mature and almost become normal people!
4. Getting my Libby. I love Libby.
5. Moving to my wonderful home in a wonderful town.
6. My change of career... definitely a highlight.
7. All the new places I've visited.
8. Losing weight, and regaining weight, then losing it again.
9. Getting my snowmobile and actually riding it like a real bushwoman.
10. Fixing my ruined back.
11. The return of bell bottoms. Awesome!
12. My bushman's fab new job.

What?! You want the worst of the decade now?!! Hmmm, I'll have to think on that... okay, I think I've got it:

1. Getting fat. It was fun getting there (i.e. eating), don't get me wrong. Just not fun getting back!
2. September 11th terrorist attacks. My son's birthday will forever be associated with that awful day in 2001.
3. The day my child decided he didn't want to go to school, and for about 45 minutes I believed he may have been abducted.
4. Having to say goodbye to my beloved old house . It just wasn't big enough for the new blended familia.
5. The deaths of my grandfather, grandmother, great aunt and aunt.
6. The time I had to sentence my stupid, out-of-control huskies to death.
7. The cortisone injection I had to receive in the spine (see #10 on my "best" list) It really effing hurt!!!
8. Living in Calgary. What a desert wasteland, with endless commutes and nosebleeds.
9. My brother's unfortunate choice for a second wife. Useless.
10. More grey hair. Gawd! Am I being punished for something!?

Blah

2009-12-14T22:10:00.000-06:00

I feel blah - ugly, bloated, dumb... you name the uncomfortable feeling, and I'm feeling it. Here is a list of things I'm currently worrying about (in no particular order, of course):

1. My fat... so troublesome.
2. My son. I'm his mother, it's my God-given right to worry, and I don't even need a reason.
3. Christmas! I have not shopped even a little bit, and don't know when I'll be able to.
4. Money. Why is there never enough? A vow of poverty may be in order here.
5. My dog. I can't find anyone to watch him while we go away for Christmas! Eeek!
6. Corruption. Of the political kind.
7. Refined sugar. You know that stuff will kill you!!
8. The cost of living. Loosely associated with money worries, it's more of a larger-scale economic worry for the future of young, up-and-comers. Not necessarily my problem, but I don't want my kids to have to live in my house when they're in their 30s.
9. Zombies. Especially in winter... any zombie that comes out in winter is especially tough and potentially deadly.
10. Heart disease. Why have some women in my family unexpectedly died of massive heart attacks in their 50s? Truly worrisome...
11. Winter itch. I just hate being itchy.
12. My only living plant. When was the last time I watered it?
13. Dementia. Why do some of the women on the other side of my family no longer remember me?
14. Body suits. Those really should be banned... even Olympic speed skaters look odd wearing them. What if they become all trendy one day, and we're ALL expected to wear them!?

Xmas Shopping! Fun!!!

2009-12-06T21:25:00.003-06:00

Well, so much for daily lists in December. Maybe I'll try that idea in January.

This weekend I realized that my house was the only one on my block without some sort of Christmas/seasonal lighting display. My property was a black hole at the end of a holly-jolly drive. I knew that one of our big trees was strung with lights, but we'd never bothered to plug them in, out of what I can only admit to be total laziness. I decided that this just wouldn't do. Within a short time, extension cords were deployed in a circuitous route to the pre-strung tree, and voila! Let there be light... unfortunately only 3/4 of the way up the tree. But we were officially part of the merriment, and it was better than nothing!

Determined to outfit the big tree on the other side of the yard, I decided to venture out and find some lovely lights with which to balance our festive display. For the past few years, I have refused to shop at Wal-Mart during certain shopping "seasons," specifically during "Back To School," and at Christmas. Wal-Mart crowds are generally too painful to endure. SOMEHOW though, I wound up at Wal-Mart to see what I could see. Guess what? No outdoor lights to be found. Boxes and boxes of indoor lights in every shade you could ever want, but nothing I could use. Since I was there anyway, I decided to pick up a few things just so the entire trip wouldn't be wasted... deoderant, Advil... you know, just the essentials! It was as I entered the Express line-up that things got "interesting."

I was heading for the Express line, but my progress was hampered by a couple of speed-bumps who plodded forth, unsure whether or not they qualified as "express" customers, while they counted up the items in their shopping cart. As I shuffled behind the shufflers (it would have been rude of me to blitz past them and jump in line, as they were only about 5 feet from the official end of the line, and far be it from me to ruin the mood of my fellow holiday shoppers!), they finally decided that they did, indeed, need the fast lane. We continued to shuffle along: "Go to... #6!" "Go to... #2!"

Coming around the final curve toward the cashiers, there was suddenly a disturbance out in the foyer area of the store! (Can you call it a foyer?) Some people were having words, actually starting to yell at each other - some sort of confrontation. I could see the head and shoulders of one of the combatants above a shelf, but the second person was too short for me to see. Suddenly, "tall guy" started WHALING on the other person, who I presume was a woman. The reason I presume this, is because at the same time, a child started screaming, SHRIEKING actually, and wailing for her mother. People were stunned. I was stunned... I realized that my mouth was hanging open, but there was momentarily nothing I could do to physically make it close. There were people all around the altercation, and then a man yelled out "Hey!" and jumped in to break it up. The whole time, this child is SCREAMING. A woman could be heard calling the "man" (I use that term solely to indicate gender here) by a derrogatory racial slur - a word too repugnant for me to repeat. It was surreal.

The speed bumps in front of me appeared to be completely oblivious to what was going on. Apparently all they were aware of was the screaming of the child, because she-peasant turned to he-peasant and said "Why would ANYONE bring a child like THAT on a shopping trip?" Un-fricken-believable. When I was leaving the check-out area moments later, I finally saw the girl that had been screaming for her mother. She appeared to be about 9 or 10 years old, still sobbing, and being consoled by a group of people. I can only assume that it was her mother who was being assaulted right in front of her, right in front of the dozens of people at the front of the store. I don't know if the combatants were a couple, or whether they were strangers. As I left the store I could hear police sirens.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!!

By the way, despite the fact that my Christmas Spirit was completely destroyed, I went on to Canadian Tire and found the lights I needed. I will never break my own anti-Wal-Mart rule ever again.

The last month of 2009!

2009-12-01T22:10:00.001-06:00

Maybe for every day in December, I should post a list... kind of like David Letterman's "Top Ten" lists, except that I'll make mine as long as possible. Everything I can think of under a given topic!! Some may be short, if they're based on something that requires knowledge - others may be long, like if they're based on nonsense or maybe just negativity.

So let's see. I may or may not pursue this idea, but let's start with HATE. Hate is such a strong word, but I'm going to go for it. Tomorrow perhaps I'll make a list of things that I love, then we'll see which attitude tips the scales in my life. The following hated things are in no particular order - I may hate number 24 as much as I hate number 1, or maybe even more so.

1. Mouth- or Lip- smacking while chewing. Seriously.
2. Shark attacks. Those are never good.
3. Mouth breathers. (see number 1 above)
4. New Year's Resolution people at the gym the first 6 weeks of every year.
5. People who complain that they are broke, when they have no concept of poverty.
6. Cat pee in the sink.
7. Axe murderers. (Real-life ones, not movie ones!)
8. Home invaders. Such losers!!
9. Sweaty butt-puddles on the bus seat after a hot July transit ride.
10. Cancer. Not fair, no way.
11. Mouthy teenagers.
12. All crimes against children. Why can't people pick on someone their own size? Better yet, don't pick on anyone, just do us all a favour and go live in a cave, losers!
13. When 'my team' loses.
14. Conditioner that doesn't leave my hair manageable and soft.
15. Back fat. There are no exercises that specifically target back fat.
16. Tailgating. See my earlier post in November regarding this topic.
17. Dead batteries.
18. Bearded ladies. There was one who worked at the downtown library years ago. I'm sure she was very nice, but, like, get thee to the esthetician!!
19. Jiggly eyes. Quit shakin' your eyes and look at me!
20. Other people's flatulence. Because everyone loves their own brand, right?
21. Poor grammar. When I display poor grammar, it's done purposely to portray a certain attitude. Trust me... I have awesome grammar. I had a really cool grampar too, but he dead.

Okay, I was on a roll, but I need to get my beauty sleep so the villagers don't chase me with pitchforks in the morning.

Downtime

2009-11-25T12:23:00.000-06:00

I don't know how it's possible, but I think I have too much downtime at home. Maybe I've just been lazy - is it really downtime if there's a bathroom that could use a thorough cleaning yet I somehow manage to ignore it? Is it really downtime when I could be doing something thoughtful and constructive with the kids? A co-worker asked me yesterday if I find that I have lots of free time since I don't have any courses to attend these days... thinking about it, I was surprised to conclude that the answer might actually be "yes!"

I need a hobby. But what? Should I learn to play classical guitar? I've always wanted to, maybe now's the time! Should I buy some cross country skis and spend my winter weekends with all the ultra-fit skiing enthusiasts at the nearby provincial park? Should I try to write the great Canadian novel??? Hmmm, what to do, what to do... I guess I'll just keep playing WebSudoku (in my downtime, of course) until I come up with a suitable idea.

Road Warriors

2009-11-23T11:01:00.000-06:00

It doesn't matter which route I take to get to work, there is inevitably at least one person who believes that expedience in reaching their personal destination takes precedence over wherever everyone else is going. In order to communicate this, they drive within inches of the vehicle in front of them - often my own - at speeds up to and over 100 kilometres per hour.

I drive the speed limit, because I want to LIVE to reach my destination. If you're really in such a #*&$(ing hurry, then #*$&(#*ing PASS ME!!!! God! Do you really need to get close enough to see the streaks in my fricken HAIR?? One of the roads I travel on every day is known for frequent deer crossings. I see deer on the side of the road probably every other day or two. One of these days, a deer will run out in front of me, and I WILL hit the brakes as hard as I need to. When one of you half-wits that are sucked up to my bumper ends up driving right into my back seat, I hope you'll come to my funeral to see the damage your asshole driving caused.

Today's winner was driving a big, black, custom airbrushed, dual axled, diesel piece of crap up my butt at 105 kph. He finally did pass me, with a great protesting sound from his crap engine. About 90 seconds later, I was right behind him waiting for a red light. Duh. Another 4 or 5 kilometres, and there we were at another red light. Double-duh. There was some ice on the road, and buddy's big scary truck with all it's big fancy double axles couldn't get a grip, skidding along trying to get through the intersection. You know, guys with big trucks like that are just compensating for other areas where they don't measure up...

Saturday Night's All Right

2009-11-21T19:40:00.000-06:00

The only thing I can complain about today is that I made another brutally awesome lasagna, and then proceeded to eat it with reckless abandon. Now I'm stuffed, and I feel like a bloated woodtick, ready to drop onto the floor and crawl away to give birth to... something... hmmm, that's pretty gross.

I'm thinking about giving out slippers to everyone on my Christmas list this year. I've seen some really wickedly cozy looking ones in catalogues and in the stores lately. Slippers. I am so not creative when it comes to gift-giving. Maybe I could give out 12-packs of diet pepsi. Wouldn't people be surprised!?!

Why do Subway Restaurants use monkeys so extensively in their advertising?

Pandumbic

2009-11-18T11:20:00.001-06:00

It turns out that a girl who I attended high school with has died after receiving the H1N1 Flu shot. Got the shot Thursday, felt like crap, died on Saturday. That's the story. She really is dead, I saw the obituary. I have no idea whether there were other factors that contributed to her death, I just know that she was the same age as me, she had a child, and that it's not fair.

There was a vaccination clinic being held last night near my home, and there were more vehicles parked along the main street than I've ever seen before. I was driving past, when a woman and her two boys - who must have been coming from getting vaccinated - emerged from between parked cars and ran out into the street right in front of me. At 50 kph, there wasn't any REAL danger of me running them down... but really! Go for a shot because you're afraid to die from the flu, and then run out into traffic with your kids... are you effing kidding me?!

I love to say "effing."

Okay, so I was off on the days above... flu shot Thursday, SICK on Saturday, died on Monday. Either way, it still sucks.

Flashback

2009-11-16T12:57:00.002-06:00

GUESS what I saw at the GT Boutique this weekend… go on, just guess… okay, you’ll never guess: LEGWARMERS!!! Oh my god. You know, I remember how good it felt to put on a pair of legwarmers, with just the right worn-out sneakers to make you look as though maybe, just MAYBE, you were a seriously talented and sought-after dancer. Just like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. It was all about the legwarmers and how well they came down over the top of those perfect shoes… … and then to top it off, a nice long button-up blouse with the collar flipped up under your feathered hair and blue mascara, finished off with a slanted belt that sat just right across your hips… I don’t know if the legwarmers of today could ever bring as much satisfaction as they did in 1983.

Is this thing on?

2009-11-15T19:28:00.000-06:00

I used to think I had really wicked internet skills, until I started trying to set up this blog. I'm actually really dumb, as it turns out. Maybe not as dumb as my cat, but still unlikely to be developing radical new theories of thermodynamic energy conservation anytime soon.

Ever heard of the Department of Redundancy Department? Sounds like a fun place to work and have some fun.